Friend from long time ago, you were okay from the start

You acted like a normal friend that you could give your heart

Days, weeks, and months have gone by and your colors start to show

People really hate you and that I started to know

Why did they hate you? I tried to understand

I continued my best to lend a helping hand

Sure we argued and even stopped talking for years

But we gained ourselves back after all the tears

Maturity held us on until the very day

The very day when you threw our friendship away

I thought that your arrogance and pride would not mean more

That even our friendship was shook to the core

I was special and he would never do anything like that, I said

But those words came up short and he tore me up instead

I’m sorry but this time I can no longer take

You are not worth my time and plus you are just giving me a headache

Goodbye friend from a long time ago, hope you got what you wanted

Thanks for everything but I believe it is best that our friendship ended

I tried to make this look so light but it’s definitely not. I spent days and weeks being miserable about it. However, I think it’s time for me to move on and let time work on its magic. I just couldn’t find the right words to match how I felt. So, I poem-ed it! Haha. Anyhow, until next time! That’s all folks!

INTRODUCTION: Here it goes. Have you ever noticed that if you belong to a large group of friends you are not really close to all of them? And sometimes you wonder why you aren’t close with some people even though you guys have been in that same group for a very long time? And you simply just want to reach out  in hopes that you make a deeper relationship with other people than what you currently have ?  Well, that is how I felt until I met ‘friend’.

‘FRIEND’: I have this ‘friend’ that I don’t know why I called friend. First of all, we didn’t really talk to each other that much. Like if we were stuck to each other in an elevator all our conversation would simply consist of all the small talks in the world. A question like “Hi. How’s it going?” and a reply such as “Good. How bout you?” will probably  just end up in awkward silence. With that said, we started out as having no knowledge about each other whatsoever with the exception of a few shallow observations of course. So I questioned myself, “Why aren’t we friends? What should I do to change it?”.  So what did I do? You guessed it. I made the leap. So I slowly made a move and tried to get to know the person in a more in depth way. We started talking more. And then some more. Until, BINGO! We’ve finally made a connection! We are now a step higher than we were before. This went on for a while until the ‘incident’.

THE ‘INCIDENT’: Slowly I made a realization that our relationship ended ‘friend’ talking more and I didn’t. I listened more, then ‘friend’ talked some more. This was no problem for me at first because I am more than thankful being the friend. Until this one day. This one very dreadful day. It was the day that I got super confused and also depressed for that matter. It became the other way around now. I got a problem and I was now the one that needed someone to talk to. Conveniently enough, we were talking at that time. Then I said to myself, “Hey! Why not talk to ‘friend’ about this problem you have? You guys are friends now, right?” WRONG! I was completely mistaken. Since we were already talking, I slowly tried to include the feelings that I was feeling and try to see how ‘friend’ would react. Unprepared, ‘friend’ didn’t take me seriously. I even sincerely forced my feelings upon ‘friend’ that I was not joking around and that I was depressed and needed someone to talk to and that ‘friend’ has to be more serious. ‘Friend’ replied, “I know you are serious. You could talk to me  about matters like that. But please not right now. I’m having so much fun and you are  just ruining my mood.” (Translating this has made it less harsh) Then I said, “Ouch.” My heart just broke into a million pieces. I still carried on in our little conversation but still was at awe of the things that just happened.

MY REACTION: WTF?! One has to know that no one can administer a one’s feelings. You simply cannot just control one’s emotion and tell them to go talk to you at another time when you are in the mood! Do you expect me to come back to you and check you everytime to know if you are in the right mood to listen to me or not?! Screw you! I guess that does it. Sorry for being such a party pooper in your life. I guess I’m even thankful that this event happened so I won’t have much expectations in our friendship anymore. And that I know the truth about what our friendship meant to you. And that would be in this case be just BULL.

LESSON: Some people are just not friend material yet. I think that ‘friend’ isn’t ready to leave the selfishness behind and engage a real friendship that I imagined we would have. Although I haven’t given up on ‘friend’ , I think I’ll just remain that distance between us. I guess some things are meant to stay that way. I don’t really regret anything even though I wish an ignorance of who the person really is would be so much blissful. However, I still believe that in instances like these could really let a person grow. You get to encounter different experiences and learn the different ways on how to react to them. And I believe that by these instances I’ll know who my friends really are. Nevertheless, I’m still not closing my doors on ‘friend’. Maybe this is only one of the few obstacles we’ll face in the our future friendship (if there is going to be one).

SHOUT OUT: ‘Friend’, I’m sorry if I feel this way. I’ll still listen to you (which I still do) but behind all our conversations I can’t seem to get over the fact that you are one SELFISH JERK. I hope you redeem yourself though. And if you do, I will probably write a blog for that glorious occassion. Until then, so long ‘friend’!

These are some of the things that I can remember:

• I’ve been “the friend” they call to help fish information about their eye candy’s interests.
• I’ve been “the friend” they call to check their grammar before they write their love letters.
• I’ve been “the friend” they call when they need to learn to play their crush’s favorite song on the guitar.
• I’ve been “the friend” they call when they are short and valentine’s day is coming up and they need to buy a teddy bear, some chocolates or even flowers for their significant one.
• I’ve been “the friend” they call to tell me the big news that they are now going steady and ready to spend forever with the one they love.
• I’ve been “the friend” they call when they already shared their first kiss, tell me the the romantic dates they’ve had, and the sweet i-love-you’s they have shared.
• I’ve been “the friend” they call when arguments starts to arise and misunderstanding starts to develop.
• Finally, I’ve been “the friend” they call when the torch had finally died down and they’ve experienced the pain of breaking up.

It’s not that easy to be that friend. At times it makes one feel special and needed. But most times it just makes you feel unappreciated and used. There are also times you are just too busy listening to others that you forget about yourself and just start to disregard your own feelings just to let others take the happiness they need. Don’t think that I’m complaining about it. I just think some people are placed in the world to help others find their happiness to the extent of their own.

Wow. I’m having a hard time right now gathering my thoughts. Hopefully I make sense though. Nevertheless, it’s just my first blog entry I’m not going make this a long one! ha ha!

Journey with me as  I write some observations about my life and hopefully I can relate to all people who are just like me. Lastly, Welcome to The life of a Full-Time Friend!