WARNING: This blog is a rant but that doesn’t mean I’m mad at that person, I’m just disappointed at the truth. And this blog shall set me free! (Hopefully! Ha ha!)
INTRODUCTION: Here it goes. Have you ever noticed that if you belong to a large group of friends you are not really close to all of them? And sometimes you wonder why you aren’t close with some people even though you guys have been in that same group for a very long time? And you simply just want to reach out in hopes that you make a deeper relationship with other people than what you currently have ? Well, that is how I felt until I met ‘friend’.
‘FRIEND’: I have this ‘friend’ that I don’t know why I called friend. First of all, we didn’t really talk to each other that much. Like if we were stuck to each other in an elevator all our conversation would simply consist of all the small talks in the world. A question like “Hi. How’s it going?” and a reply such as “Good. How bout you?” will probably just end up in awkward silence. With that said, we started out as having no knowledge about each other whatsoever with the exception of a few shallow observations of course. So I questioned myself, “Why aren’t we friends? What should I do to change it?”. So what did I do? You guessed it. I made the leap. So I slowly made a move and tried to get to know the person in a more in depth way. We started talking more. And then some more. Until, BINGO! We’ve finally made a connection! We are now a step higher than we were before. This went on for a while until the ‘incident’.
THE ‘INCIDENT’: Slowly I made a realization that our relationship ended ‘friend’ talking more and I didn’t. I listened more, then ‘friend’ talked some more. This was no problem for me at first because I am more than thankful being the friend. Until this one day. This one very dreadful day. It was the day that I got super confused and also depressed for that matter. It became the other way around now. I got a problem and I was now the one that needed someone to talk to. Conveniently enough, we were talking at that time. Then I said to myself, “Hey! Why not talk to ‘friend’ about this problem you have? You guys are friends now, right?” WRONG! I was completely mistaken. Since we were already talking, I slowly tried to include the feelings that I was feeling and try to see how ‘friend’ would react. Unprepared, ‘friend’ didn’t take me seriously. I even sincerely forced my feelings upon ‘friend’ that I was not joking around and that I was depressed and needed someone to talk to and that ‘friend’ has to be more serious. ‘Friend’ replied, “I know you are serious. You could talk to me about matters like that. But please not right now. I’m having so much fun and you are just ruining my mood.” (Translating this has made it less harsh) Then I said, “Ouch.” My heart just broke into a million pieces. I still carried on in our little conversation but still was at awe of the things that just happened.
MY REACTION: WTF?! One has to know that no one can administer a one’s feelings. You simply cannot just control one’s emotion and tell them to go talk to you at another time when you are in the mood! Do you expect me to come back to you and check you everytime to know if you are in the right mood to listen to me or not?! Screw you! I guess that does it. Sorry for being such a party pooper in your life. I guess I’m even thankful that this event happened so I won’t have much expectations in our friendship anymore. And that I know the truth about what our friendship meant to you. And that would be in this case be just BULL.
LESSON: Some people are just not friend material yet. I think that ‘friend’ isn’t ready to leave the selfishness behind and engage a real friendship that I imagined we would have. Although I haven’t given up on ‘friend’ , I think I’ll just remain that distance between us. I guess some things are meant to stay that way. I don’t really regret anything even though I wish an ignorance of who the person really is would be so much blissful. However, I still believe that in instances like these could really let a person grow. You get to encounter different experiences and learn the different ways on how to react to them. And I believe that by these instances I’ll know who my friends really are. Nevertheless, I’m still not closing my doors on ‘friend’. Maybe this is only one of the few obstacles we’ll face in the our future friendship (if there is going to be one).
SHOUT OUT: ‘Friend’, I’m sorry if I feel this way. I’ll still listen to you (which I still do) but behind all our conversations I can’t seem to get over the fact that you are one SELFISH JERK. I hope you redeem yourself though. And if you do, I will probably write a blog for that glorious occassion. Until then, so long ‘friend’!
Coffee Talk Sessions said,
September 30, 2009 at 12:38 am
Everyone has a selfish jerk tuck away inside us. You’ll never know when it might take a peek. I guess you just struck out. You might want to try others instead. Not necessarily me, but I think you been here long enough for me to conclude that even just one from us is concern and ready to listen to you anytime.
Goodluck, brah!
thefulltimefriend said,
September 30, 2009 at 1:13 pm
yaahhh. I just wanted to get that out of my chest. I’m quite over it now but still feel the pain of rejection! OUCH!
But thanks! haha! I hope so… We are a bit okay now but you know I’m still waiting for that day of redemption. haha.
Coffe Talk said,
September 30, 2009 at 2:56 pm
Redemption.. haha. Revenge’s better. ^_^ Just kidding.